you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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