Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
