Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
