i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
