I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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