I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
