Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize