he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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