So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
