Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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