Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
