My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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