Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
