yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
