literally had 100 drinks last night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize