I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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