I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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