who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
