I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
