HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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