I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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