don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
