Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
