Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
