i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I need moral support for this bender
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
