Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
