i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
