Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i think i just lost a toe
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
