I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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