drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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