apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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