just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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