you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
