2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You have to summon your inner elephant
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
