She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
