what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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