It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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