What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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