The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She told me I should be a condom model.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
