If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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