So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
