wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
