She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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