You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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