this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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