All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
