Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
