i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
