I just saw a hot homeless man
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
