She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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