I accidentally had phone sex last night
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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