i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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