She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
