so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
