I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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