i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
