ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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