I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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