Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
