Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
