I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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