Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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