she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize