we made out on top of his cat.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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