she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
