I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
A+ Viking dick
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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