im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
