and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize