Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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