lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she told me i tasted like america
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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