You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
