there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
