Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize