So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
