that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
