You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
