rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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