the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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