Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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